I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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