Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
