lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
