Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
