I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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