It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
