So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
