i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
