dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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