Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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