Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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