dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you inspire me to be a worse person
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
