yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
