I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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