I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
