Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
