Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
