Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
