You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
