So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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