counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
