i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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