i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She bit a glass in half.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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