like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
