i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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