I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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