Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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