You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
