Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
