Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
