Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
