make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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