I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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