I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
