i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am naked and annoyed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
