HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
