oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
