what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Terrible idea I love it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
