Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
