and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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