You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
