Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
