I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
