That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
