You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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