I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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