You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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