My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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