the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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