my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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