she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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