if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't turn off my feet"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
