3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
