I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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