just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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