My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
