I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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