connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
