In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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