Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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