Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize