why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
