I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
