I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
