I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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